This book is short, just like your experience with women
Before we start I have to ask just one question. Do you want me to affirm your current beliefs about the world and be nice OR, do you want to get pussy?
If you answered pussy, then we may start.
Keep in mind that I don’t intend to be friendly or politically correct, I do not mean to offend but I know that I probably will – that is your problem, you can either get offended or learn something.
ASSERT YOUR POSITION IN THE GROUP
You are either alpha or alone
I know what you are thinking. Not this alpha male bullshit, why can’t people just be themselves…
To be completely honest, in the end most of us will get a girl (yeah even you) and end up married. But rarely do we end up with the one we actually love or want. If you go casually in the love game, you will end up a casualty. So toughten up and be a leader… Or pretend that you are one, it works just as well.
Lets talk about your friends for a moment, during your life you will come in contact with many male groups. The first thing you need to know is where you actually stand in the group, then you can compete for a better position.
Many times we think that we own a certain position when in fact we don’t. Making this mistake is common and it results in you being ridiculed, laughed at, shamed or shunned from the group. Take for example someone who is really chatty, the guy is open, he talks a lot, gets everyone to agree with him. Because of this he may mistakenly assume that he has power in a group, he will start bragging and he will start telling other people how to behave. If he in fact is not the leader, the group will start talking behind his back and ridicule his perception of his status. He will end up from being the funny guy in the group to being the joke of the party. Likewise someone may assume that he has more status than he actually does and he will start approaching girls that he has no place in approaching. Depending on the group the might put him back in his place or they might become afraid of his aspirations and cut him out of the group – you know you are being cut, if the people stop calling you to go out. Sometimes a person is just useless and the group doesn’t want a charity case so they cut him out as-well, keep this in mind and always find ways to be interesting and useful.
So, how do you know which position is yours? Well if you just joined a group you are probably the omega (the last one), yes you might be funny, friendly, and interesting, but you are still the omega, at least for some time. After that, you get a specific role. You can be the one that gets the pizza, the food or drink. That role is not particularly important but is always nice to have in a group. As a result you get invited to all the parties and you will get chances to hang out with girls that are not “taken” or some that happen to find themselves in the group. Another role you can have is the priest – that’s right, it’s just like in the games. You are trusting, reliable, understanding, kind and have good relations with most members of the group. You get this position by being a good listener, keeping your opinions to yourself and never talking behind anyone’s back in an extreme negative way. People open up, they will approach you with their problems and you will gain their trust – just not their girls. If you find yourself in this position make sure you use it to the max, get some favors, learn some tricks expand your circle of close friends but never abuse your position, because feelings can turn from love to hate quite quickly.
STOP LISTENING TO YOUR MOTHER
Short and simple, stop listening to your mother. If you want to get a girl anytime soon, and if you want to get that girl to respect you at all in the future, you HAVE TO start making decisions on your own. Stop playing it safe, stop being subordinate and start making some mistakes in life. If you let your mother dictate your behavior or meddle in your relationships, you can be certain that you don’t have a relationship.
First of all, most mothers don’t advocate you going out and getting laid. In fact, they won’t advocate you do anything other than work hard and study hard. Start thinking on your own and break your relationship with your mother – you will hurt her feelings and she will make damn sure you know about it, but if you stick with her, and let her shadow determine your path and life goals, you will fuck up – big time. Am I not specific enough for you?
Let me put it in this way, your mom will never be content with the girl you choose or the girl you like, just like nobody is good enough for daddies princess – the same goes for mothers, nobody will be good enough for her special boy. That means you will end up with an arranged marriage, you might as well move to India if you want that.
Next, your mother will never approve of you being anything other than a total gentleman. Not that she doesn’t know how love works but because she will have someone to blame when things go bad, and they will… And she will blame your girl for it… And that leaves you exactly where you deserve to be, in the spot between “I told you she was a bitch” – from your mom, and “you are a child” – from your girl (right before she goes to fuck someone else – and rightfully so).
But, perhaps I went too far, perhaps you are just somebody that is “forever alone” never had a first kiss or never had sex – then lets take a step back and repeat the basics: STOP LISTENING TO YOUR MOMMY ! Got it? I sure hope so…
Oh and here is a really awesome quote from Frank Zappa
GET OFF THE DAMN BED/PC
I know dota 2/lol/smite/candy crush/Insert game name here/Insert youtube clip name here/ are fun. Heck, you might even think that they contribute someway in your personal development. Let me assure you, THEY DON’T!
The only thing they contribute to is making you average, making you part of the masses and giving you a quick fix in the meantime. I know, I go down that road as-well,
I’m, not saying that you give up your leisure time completely, no no…. Everyone needs to unwind and relax in his/hers day. What I am saying is, that you need to do it less often. Like, if you are the kind of person that stays on facebook or plays games for 12 hours (don’t worry I was just like that also) you have to start lowering your leisure time. Don’t go cold turkey and quit it all at once because it will relapse and hit you harder than a wrecking ball. Instead, start doing some other things in the meantime (not hitting on girls – not yet).
For now, it is imperative that you change the way you do things during your day. Don’t do anything drastic, relax – small victories will change you more than you think.
So lets start – understand that you sitting on the PC all day long or in your room doing nothing… Important… Is an addiction. The PC gaming addiction is really easy to understand. Every-time you play a game you enter a quasi-comfort zone, where the outcome is unpredictable, yet the consequences are invisible (at least the short term ones). Your mind is jacked up on Dopamine when you win and you get nervous when you loose prompting you to play again, giving you a false sense of competition – as if anyone gives a fuck if you are level xxx on that game.
Make no mistake, the addiction mechanism works in a similar way for smokers and drug users. Both computer and substance addictions work on similar ways, one pours Dopamine in your receptors buy blocking the mechanism that retracts Dopamine in the synapses (coke, nicotine) the other mechanism creates an environment that stimulates Dopamine release in your brain – Dopamine is released in an environment which is perceived as unpredictable and in which the chances for winning are between 70 % and 50 % – And that is why games are addictive. Thought I was just a loudmouth didn’t you? Well I’m not, and don’t worry I wont bash you with science as that is not my intention. My intention is for you to realize that you need to make some changes – and ultimately get laid.
Quick exercise, stop playing any game for 3 days, see how agitated you get… If you keep making up reasons to sit on the PC then, Huston we have a problem…
I hope that by now you realize that sitting on the PC or in bed, or whatever your comfort zone consists of will NOT get you laid. So get off, and do something – anything… Just don’t do what you have been doing that has in fact gotten you in this situation.
Lets take a common example of the average dude that has trouble getting with girls, and hopefully we can find a way to make some changes.
You wake up in the morning, which is usually around 13.00’o clock. Your day starts by checking Facebook. After a quick check of 40 minutes, you go and take a dump, then you go on Facebook again to see if there are any changes. After that you get something to eat and it’s time to be productive… BUT WAIT, you just ate and kinda feel like you are loosing energy, you get sleepy (again, even though you wont admit to it in front of people), so you decide to be productive… Later… Hey, there is still time – your day has just begun anyway. So, as I said it’s 18.00’o clock and your day had just begun, so you decide that you don’t have the energy (yet) and think “well maybe I’ll play just one game”. And off we go, First game – WIN, Dopamine surges and time passes quickly, hell yeah! Let’s play another – you are enjoying yourself too much to stop now (besides, there is still time). Second game – Fail. Can’t stop now, you have to get back in and get even. Third game – doesn’t really matter, it’s 21.00’o clock, there is no way you can be productive now, and it’s too late to think about going out so you might ass well play a few more. It’s 23.00’o clock… You fucked up! You didn’t do anything today but at least, at least… This is usually the part when cognitive dissonance kicks in (your mind starts bullshitting you so that you don’t feel bad about yourself) and you keep on playing, until you fall asleep with your laptop/ PC… It is important to say that not everyone is like this, some people watch series instead of playing games. BIGGGG DIFFERENCE!
Does this remind you of someone? Is your day similar? Well, I won’t state that obvious (I’m no better sometimes). But I will give you a way out of it.
GET OFF THE DAMN BED/PC
My methods are simple as you can see, but make no mistake I am in no illusion that they are easy.
So, what now?
Well there is actually a lot you can do – but I would recommend with starting with the easy stuff.
First thing you need to do is get out of your room – If you are too shy to got to the club yet, take a walk in the city, go to a park, visit a museum, do this for a few times and for a very simple yet powerful reason. I want you to realize that people don’t care – that is right, people don’t give a fuck about the way you look, the way you dress or about what you think. After a few times of going out hopefully you will understand this – And in turn, I hope that it will make your interaction with people easier.
OK, so you took a few walks, visited a park or two. No real contact with people yet! Now, after you got relaxed a bit, and learned that it’s safe and comfortable around people, it’s time to learn that interacting with them is just as easy.
Again, we pick the easy steps – interact with guys before girls (we will get to that soon enough)
Depending on your past, you might or might not have some friends. If you do, CALL THEM! Yes you have to initiate, no they won’t ever call. You need them – you call them, and don’t worry there is always something you can offer to balance the scales. If you have good relations – go and hang out. If you have “iffy iffy” relations, buy booze and then hang out. Don’t worry – where there is booze, there shall be people to drink it. If none of you drink, offer some other activities (sport, a movie in your room, or something else – heck if you have a good PC/console use it to hang out with people. But do remember – you will eventually have to give up the friends that just hang out by themselves and don’t look for girls. Use them just to get a feeling of comfort around people, then move on. Sounds like you are being a hypocrite? Don’t worry you will have to be. Remember the bottom line – get pussy, nothing else matters (especially if you are 20yrs old and a Virgin). You may be feeling a bit uncomfortable right about now, you may feel that doing the things I suggest will make you an abusive hypocrite, and a bad person according to your moral standards. Let me make it easy for you: You can either become a hypocrite with a purpose and overcome your flawed nature in the future or you can bullshit yourself that you are not a hypocrite and end up either hurting the people you love anyway or end up abused by the environment. No, there is no gray area – not if you are in this position, you still lack the personal skills and experience to play it “fair”.
You got back in the game, you started hanging out (don’t think just because this book is short that you will need a short time to accomplish this – but I promise, the end-result is worth it). You even realize that you stopped using your computer so often – at this rate you probably cut 4 hours of your PC time – or the time you spend watching series. Now you are ready for some harder changes. Before you go meeting other people you need to take a good look at your personal outlook and your psychological state. It is no surprise that the more pretty/good looking you perceive yourself to be, the more your psychological outlook will improve – physical beauty has a stable relation to personal happiness. At this point it is good to mention that you should ignore two groups of people:
The first group will always tell you that you need to be yourself and that you should be happy as you are – ignore those bastards.
The second group is the opposite, they will tell you that if you care too much about your physical appearance that you are a selfish narcissist, ignore those fucks as well… Not that they are wrong – but you have to get with how society works today in order to attract women.
So lets conclude, how you look matters. End of debate!
A general rule you can follow for improving your physical outlook is this: Every-time you get in-front of a mirror think “What can I improve”. Have facial hair? – Groom it! I’m not saying you should cut it, if you like beard women will like it too… just as long as it’s groomed. Have pimples? – visit the doctor! Go to a spa and wellness center if you can afford it, just improve your looks. Hair in your armpits? cut it – no debate. Clothes and haircut… This one is a tricky one and depends on your style and personality – We will talk about it in another chapter.
MEET NEW PEOPLE
This is the fucking imperative.
I don’t care how good or bad you look, how good or bad you feel – you have to meet new people. It doesn’t matter if you are meeting girls you want to date or just random people. The important thing is that you are meeting new people. Why? because no matter how much you hate hanging out with them, or how silly it feels, eventually it will lead to meeting a girl that you like.
Now, where to find people to hang out with???
Let’s suppose that you have absolutely no friends to hang out with, and no people to introduce you to some new groups. There are a few strategies that you can follow
First: Go out alone… Wow? really? Am I that desperate? People will think that I am a freak… Chill, there are actually a few good reasons to go out alone and there are some good advantages to it.
Let me elaborate.
When you go out alone, there are some things you feel V.S. How people see you. For example you might think that you are a freak, but on the other hand girls see you as brave and they know exactly what you want – that is, hooking up (just in case you were confused). This is important as you are sending a clear message for what you want, and you are quite different in the approach that most people take. Just a small advice, if you go out alone PLEASE PLEASE don’t stare… As in, don’t look at girls for more than 4 seconds. If you are alone and you do that… You will look like a freak. One way to amend this, is to look at a girl’s ass/boobs and when she looks back you, nod and smile – as in “I like that”. You will either get a smile back, or possibly a slap – either way you don’t look like a freak just some horny dude. It doesn’t really matter what you do – just don’t fucking stare.
OK, now that I ranted well enough about what not to do – let me illustrate how going out alone should look like (especially if you are a beginner).
First of all, you don’t need to leave your home at 20.00’o clock. You are going out in a club – not a bar (not that you can’t go out in a bar, it’s just that you need to overcome the anxiety of sitting at the bar-table all night long). The point is, you go out when the heat of the party has already started – depending on the country you live in, that could be for example 24.00’o clock or 01.00’o clock. This is a great time to be around people, most of them are drunk, nobody cares what you do and rarely does anyone pay attention to you. When you do expose yourself and decide to say “hi” to a girl you will give her the clear picture of someone that want’s to hook up. Be brave enough to do this and then you are entering the numbers game. Too shy to say “hi” and introduce yourself? Start with a question, it’s easier that way – gets the pressure off of you and puts it on the other person. What are you drinking – is a good first step. And after they have told you, and you calculate that it is affordable, you go on to step two: “mind if I buy you another round?” – If they say “yes”, great. If they say “no” buy them the drink anyway (don’t worry if they don’t drink it, you will). This is really basic stuff – and don’t worry sometimes that is all it takes. I won’t be giving you any advice on pick up lines or tactics, rather I will make you motivated to approach and be decent enough to be approachable.
You don’t feel like you can go out alone just yet. Fine – I get it… And no worries there are still things you can do. But in the meantime if you get enough confidence, do go out a few times alone as well.
So, you don’t have friends to spend time with and can’t go out alone. It’s ok, there are always things that you can do. Start off by joining various groups such as: book clubs, activism groups, political parties, religious groups, sport groups, NGOs. Take part in civil and social events, conferences, debates, and other activities. I’m sure there is a group you can join in your town/city, and if you are living in a rather small or tight community move out to a university town or go couch-surfing. At this point it really is not important if you have the same views with the groups you join and the activities that you partake. The only really important thing is that you meet new people. Feminists, socialists, anarchists, Harry Potter fans, or bible readers, it really, really makes no difference. The end result will be that you meet people and that some of those people will eventually lead you to someone you like.
Now, usually when we get to this point people start making excuses as to why they can’t do the things that will make them get a a girl. Sometimes excuses are a reflection of the fear of success or sometimes you truly believe that you have no space in your life for a partner. If you fear success you must acknowledge that you are worthy of it (trust me – I know how it sounds, but really I don’t know how else to put it for you) . If you truly believe that you have no space in your life for a partner, then I’m sorry to say that you need to restructure your life (unless you have no place to live and nothing to eat – finding a girl is pretty important). And don’t fall for the self-deceiving excuse of “I’ll do it after /insert period or reason here/.”
When meeting people it is important to remember that meeting guys is just as important as meeting girls. And meeting girls that you don’t necessarily like is very important in improving your social skills. First about the boys – get friends, as many as possible, meet up drink and go out. They are your basic connection to a good social status and a wider opportunity for girls. Second, girls that you may not like. Are you still following me? We talked about why meeting guys is just as important as meeting girls. Now we are on to the ones you might not fancy as much. This is a danger zone, it is important if you want to succeed with the one you actually like but there are a few possible problems.
One problem is that you are basically going to abuse someone else’s feelings in order to get what you want later on… How to do this, or how to avoid the guilt? Well, manipulators have a simple philosophy: If the other person allowed themselves to be manipulated, then, they deserve it. It is partly true and partly dissonance (the way your mind bullshits you, remember?). The true part consists of the point that manipulation requires a certain amount of greed on the side of the victim. The bullshit part comes when you realize that the pain you cause may be disproportionate from the greed of the/your victim. Me? I have done it, I still do it… And I don’t intend to stop. How do I cope with it? I don’t pretend that I am the good guy, I know exactly what my actions cause. Perhaps one day I will overcome my nature…Until then, I accept it.
Another problem with going out with a girl you don’t like, is that it is easier. Not easy, she won’t give herself to you in the first hour, but it is doable. The problem comes because it is easier, you can get comfortable, she can become your safe zone, and before you know it you will be uttering words like “I love you too”. You probably will get laid and you will definitely like it. Just don’t complicate things too much, save face and bail early – I would like to say gracefully but there truly isn’t a graceful way to bail. The good thing about all of this (in case it somehow escaped you) is the experience you get. Make no mistake, it will make you capable to get better girls, it will improve your skills in conversation and in bed.
So lets revise:
– Go out with friends or alone as much as possible, even if you don’t feel like it (nobody likes sweat armpits in the club).
– Join different groups, it doesn’t matter how much you are interested in their philosophy, be nice and go with it.
– Make new guy friends, and go out with them.
– Hook up with girls when you can and get as much experience as you can.
If you look at it this way it doesn’t seem so hard eh? Chill, it isn’t.
– Stop listening to mommy
– Get off the damn PC/your bed
– Meet new people
– Assert your position in the group
– Get IN the friend-zone
– Pick a personality
– Know yourself before you know women
– Get sex, even if you have to pay for it
– Learn to stick out
– What not to talk about
– What to talk about
– Are you busy enough for a girl?
– Challenge her views
– Drink motherfucker
– Go to a gay club
– If you are fat, read this