In a nutshell, Ecology refers to how your whole world changes if you change just one element in a system. And no, I’m not talking about the rain-forest here.

So, a system?

A system refers to anything you have a relationship with – Your spouse, job, the other girl, your friends etc…

Lets use an example. Suppose you have a fat girlfriend – roll with me on this. And you love her and everything you do with her nonetheless. Then, you two decide that as a relationship goal, you both will do something to improve, you decide to start reading for the first time in your life and she decides to loose weight. You both agree to help each other in the process. Fast forward 3 months, you sticked to your goals and your girlfriend is no longer fat! That is positive right? Mostly yes, the thing is, that ecology takes into account how your relationship changes after certain elements in your system change. For this example the consequences might be that now, more men are hitting on your girlfriend and you are jealous about it. Consequently, she notices your jealousy and your relationship suffers because of it.

So, before going for a change, ask your self: How will it impact the people around me, how will it affect me as well? Then, adapt and prepare for it – I’m not saying that you shouldn’t change.

Another fun-loving example is the girl that helped her boyfriend go trough college. She stack with him, supported him emotionally and financially – Basically he couldn’t do it without her. However, after he got the diploma, he also got a good job, a different social cycle and all of the sudden, other girls became more interesting.

There are a lot of relationships based on the need of some people to care for another person – Once the person no longer needs help/looking after, the caregiver suddenly finds him/herself useless and looses the role that sticked the relationship together.

I’m not saying this is bad or unhealthy – In fact caring for someone can make your life fulfilling and give it meaning. All I’m saying is to look closely on why does one relationship function the way it functions – and to predict the outcomes of change.

Personal ecology is the same thing, only that it refers to a change to yourself. For example you might have a certain set of values about life and people. One day you decide to improve by learning more about people and their behavior. Fast forward a year, where trough effort and learning you find yourself understanding the world and people much better and what do you get? The result of this, is that you have now became a bit depressed about it, you cannot be judgmental towards people anymore – because you now know some of the underlying causes of their bad behaviors. Finally you find-yourself being a more responsible, goal oriented and even successful person – The bad news about this, it that people now shy away from you, they may fear the good things in life, leaving your relationships diminished in some aspects.

That is Ecology 🙂

And it sucks…


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